relationship issues

The Fantasy Bond: A substitute for a truly loving relationship

Defenses formed in childhood hurt adult relationships. Most people have fears of intimacy and are self-protective and at the same time are terrified of being alone. Their solution to their emotional dilemma is to form a fantasy bond. This illusion of connection and closeness allows them to maintain an imagination of love and loving while… Read more »

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Why You Should Be the One Who Loves More

There is always a lot going on between two people in a relationship. But very often, much of what goes wrong in a relationship has to do with what’s going on in our own minds. Most of us have a constant dialogue running in our heads, analyzing our relationship and informing us on how to… Read more »

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How to Fix a Relationship

“In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love When it comes to our relationships, the expectation of a perfect union or… Read more »

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Are You Tricking Yourself Out of Love?

I was once doing a radio show about our (my father, Dr. Robert Firestone, and my) work on the “critical inner voice,” a self-destructive thought process we all possess. The host started the show by talking about all the media attention on terrorism and the fear we, as a nation, were feeling following the attacks… Read more »

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Why the Spark Fades in a Relationship

Countless couples complain of losing the “spark” in their relationship. Some chalk it up to evolved differences, a slow growing apart, or sheer familiarity. The wave of “deadness” that can submerge a relationship after the first thrilling months or years have caused many couples to lose hope, and even look elsewhere for the excitement of… Read more »

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How to Stop Making the Wrong Relationship Choices

Initial chemistry is the spark that fuels a relationship, but that spark doesn’t always ignite for all the right reasons. Attraction is, to many of us, a mystery. How is it that qualities that led us to a person in the first place, can later repel us so strongly and lead to problems down the… Read more »

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Why You Keep Winding Up in the Same Relationship

If we were asked, as an exercise, to craft a personal ad detailing what we were looking for in a partner, it may read something like this: Seeking someone who is kind and patient, independent yet loving, laid back, yet energetic. Someone who is confident, but isn’t afraid to laugh at him- or herself. Someone… Read more »

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How To Tell the Difference Between Real Love and Fantasy

As children, we often form a fantasy of what real love looks like. Though we may paint a pretty picture in our minds, this fantasy isn’t necessarily built on the admirable qualities we truly desire in a partner. Instead, it may be based on gaps we hope to one day fill, mistakes we aim to… Read more »

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Making Love Last by Learning to Love

Look up the word “love” in any dictionary and you’ll find two separate definitions. The first: an abstract noun encapsulating a feeling of tenderness, passion and warmth. The second: a verb defined by concrete actions such as giving affection or expressing tenderness and care. The trouble with these parallel definitions of love is that too… Read more »

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