…hologist, I often reference the Fear of Intimacy, a book by my father, Dr. Robert Firestone, that aims to explain people’s resistance to love. When I introduce the theory surrounding fear of intimacy to people, they often say, “That sounds exactly like my husband!” or “My girlfriend totally has that issue.” It’s a concept people have trouble recognizing in themselves at first, because most people think they want love and don’t consciously feel afr…
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…ices that emerge from how we really feel. When we form what my father, Dr. Robert Firestone, termed a “fantasy bond,” an illusion of connection that replaces real, loving ways of relating, we often begin to feel distant from our partner or lose interest. We may start making excuses for pulling away or we may still talk of being in love, meanwhile, we may not be engaging in behaviors that are loving toward our partner. To avoid this dishonest way o…
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…to the competitive goal of winning the argument. As my father psychologist Robert Firestone likes to say, when you engage like this, “You may win the battle, but you’ll lose the war.” In order to both come out victorious, try to have empathy for your partner and see the situation from his or her eyes. Try to recognize the ways you may be hurting yourself and the relationship by acting out hostility, coldness or holding a grudge. This process doesn…
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…mstances, but they can go on to hurt us in our adult lives. My father, Dr. Robert Firestone, in his comprehensive theory of human behavior, Separation Theory, contends that the core conflict for all human beings is whether to live a life of feeling or to attempt to suppress our feelings in an effort to block out pain, from both interpersonal relationships and from existential issues. The problems that arise from attempting to deny our pain are man…
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…eparate people. They begin to form an illusion of fusion or what my father Robert Firestone termed a “fantasy bond.” They start to overstep each other’s boundaries, replace substance with form and diminish real, personal interactions. Although it isn’t a conscious process, when a couple forms this type of fantasy, they stop engaging in small acts of kindness or even showing care and concern for each other.Without realizing it, couples form a fanta…
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…ren. The damage they sustained in growing up, whiles seemingly subtle, has debilitating effects on their self-esteem, impairs their personal relationships, and severely limits their vocational pursuits. The program features Dr. Robert Firestone and personal accounts of a number of high-achieving men and women. Broadcast nationally on PBS Network. Format: Instant Streaming or DVD Instant Streaming Rent $14.95 | Purchase $29.95 Buy Now DVD $39.95…
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…oneness with a relationship partner, a concept elucidated by my father Dr. Robert Firestone. When couples enter into this type of bond, they substitute a fantasy of being connected in place of real relating. They start to put form over substance, and the relationship starts to deteriorate. The degree to which an individual in a couple enters into a fantasy bond exists on a continuum. In the beginning, people usually open up to one another and rela…
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…Fantasy Bond is a concept developed by my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, to describe an illusion of connection people form to create a sense of safety and security. As a relationship becomes more intimate and more important to us, we start to feel vulnerable and afraid that things will change. Our worry that we will be hurt or rejected is often apparent to us. But there is another element that threatens us of which we are often…
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…depression means taking on this inner voice or “anti-self.” My father, Dr. Robert Firestone, created Voice Therapy as a therapeutic approach to conquer your critical inner voice, and in our book of that tile, which I co-authored with my father, we discuss specific ways people can start to challenge this inner enemy. Here are some of the valuable steps that can help people to start to recognize and counter these destructive thought processes. 1. Id…
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…hostile and impatient presence in his mind. The American writer and poet, Robert Bly, gave voice to similar sentiments in his poem, “My Father’s Wedding 1924”, “…his skin was bark-like then, made rough to repel the sympathy he longer for, refused, and didn’t need.” These descriptions are representative of how men recall their fathers relating to them. But even more striking than the obvious damage and wounds, is the repressed longing. Many men ar…
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