…it’s valuable to remember that all close relationships stir up existential fears. When we value another person, we value life more, and it becomes much more frightening to think of losing it. When we are older, more of these fears naturally tend to arise. Yet, we can use this reality to be even more present in the moment and to enjoy and appreciate the preciousness of the time we have with someone we care for. We can experience the real joys of li…
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…al media who make you feel bad about yourself. By removing posts from your feed that spark self-comparison, promote diet culture, and present photoshopped pictures, your social interactions online can become less self-critical and resemble more of what real people look like. 2. (follow up step to #1) Follow people who promote a positive message. The body-positivity and self-care communities are one of the benefits to social media. Replacing self-e…
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…ids in distress, none of these responses help your child learn how to stop feeding the mad monster. To teach your child to stop feeding the mad monster a parent can help them to recognize that it is disappointment and sadness given the facts are not fitting with their wishes. Learning to accept what you can’t change is an important life skill. The mad monster is something we all have to face. As we support the growth and development of our childre…
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…assume someone we’re interested in is not attracted to us, or we may avoid intimacy altogether, because we are insecure about how we look. When we lose confidence in ourselves, we may resign ourselves to familiar activities and situations instead of pursuing what we really want to do; for instance, staying at home and avoiding a party, because we feel like we are not as attractive as other people who are going. Each of us harbors our own unique pr…
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…assume someone we’re interested in is not attracted to us, or we may avoid intimacy altogether, because we are insecure about how we look. When we lose confidence in ourselves, we may resign ourselves to familiar activities and situations instead of pursuing what we really want to do; for instance, staying at home and avoiding a party, because we feel like we are not as attractive as other people who are going. Each of us harbors our own unique pr…
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…ecially for trauma survivors. It can touch off a great deal of anxiety and fear. Does the compliment come with strings? Does the person giving the compliment want something? Are there hidden motives? Is this just the first step down that awful path toward more mistreatment and abuse? It can be very hard for a person with a history of trauma to internalize a compliment, even from someone they trust, because it comes from another world — a place the…
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…cture (we think) to make a map of time. When the sun rises, they know I’ll feed them soon, and they are excited. Each meal is like the first time they’ve eaten. Yet we humans often compare what is happening now with what occurred before. We may know that today is unique, but we also know that we cannot be certain of anything that life may bring. We may long for certainty, but we know that we cannot predict or control the outcome of things. We also…
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…The following transcript contains part of an exclusive interview with Dr. Lisa Firestone and Dr. Christine Courtois. CC I mean, I think that’s one of the fascinating things about this whole idea of complex trauma as well is — in one of the criteria subsumed — in one of the criteria is minimization. And that’s a cognitive distortion. And that you hear these stories and it’s curling your hair to hear the story and then the person says, “Aw, it wasn…
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…The following transcript contains part of an exclusive interview with Dr. Lisa Firestone and Dr. Christine Courtois. CC In my book revision for Healing the Incest Wound, I just wrote about the fact that I think that we don’t look enough at what families do to family members. And we always assume that – it’s much easier to assume that it’s stranger danger or it’s somebody outside the family grouping. And yet the data are very, very categorical tha…
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…The following transcript contains part of an exclusive interview with Dr. Lisa Firestone and Dr. Christine Courtois. LF In working with people who have been violent, what do you think is the most important thing in terms of treatment just from your perspective? CC OK. Talking broadly I think, I would really want to look at their capacity for empathy and what I’ve found – and I don’t treat violent folks or perpetrators per se, but I think what’s a…
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