…our mind and our brain illuminates how the physical and mental world connect to construct and influence our relationships with the outside world. By learning techniques for exploring the inner workings of this “inner world,” individuals are better able to enhance and improve their relationships, their sense of self, their “mindsight.”…
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…. Our contribution to this change is a willingness to connect with our own inner world. Once we become aware that we are not content with our relational choices, we can begin to notice the patterns that drive them. Implicit memories always show up as patterns – as ways that our bodies automatically move in response to offers of relationship, sensations that arise in our bodies, emotions that tell us whether to connect or flee, and perceptions of h…
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…y identifying where these negative thoughts, which I refer to as “critical inner voices,” came from, the man was able to challenge himself by taking actions to care for his son. He found he was not only competent in doing so, but that he also really enjoyed the tender moments between them. 3. The Fear of Becoming Your Mother or Father While we are aware of fears like not waking up to the baby crying or forgetting to put wipes in the diaper bag, th…
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…ionships and fears of intimacy, explaining how one’s defenses and critical inner voices negatively affect romance. I am always struck by how many people come up to me after my presentations to thank me and tell me that the fears of intimacy and defensive traits I have been outlining perfectly describe their partner. These people are essentially saying, “Yes, I know defenses are hurting my intimate relationship, but it’s not my defenses, it’s their…
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…had made previous suicide attempts endorsed negative thoughts or “critical inner voices” that told them they were a burden to their family and friends. “You’d be doing your family a favor if you killed yourself.” (This has been labeled “perceived burdensomeness” by researcher Thomas Joiner.) Suicidal people tend to endorse thoughts on the questionnaire about being alienated from others, “You don’t fit in. You don’t belong. You just don’t matter.”…
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…ionships and fears of intimacy, explaining how one’s defenses and critical inner voices negatively affect romance. I am always struck by how many people come up to me after my presentations to thank me and tell me that the fears of intimacy and defensive traits I have been outlining perfectly describe their partner. These people are essentially saying, “Yes, I know defenses are hurting my intimate relationship, but it’s not my defenses, it’s their…
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…a result of unemployment are more vulnerable to self-attacks, or “Critical Inner Voices,” that in their most severe form can lead violent acts toward the self or others. Understanding the warning signs behind suicide and violence can help us save lives. With today’s uncertain economic climate, there has never been a better time to educate ourselves on these important issues. Common behaviors that can indicate violence risk: 1. History of violent b…
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…rents were generally loving, the subtle or incidental times that they were critical or irritable or insensitive effected us, making deep impressions in our psyches and leaving us with unfavorable attitudes toward ourselves. We enter adulthood programmed to relate to the world at large just as we related in our original families. So when the treatment that we received in our childhoods was bad, that is the treatment we seek today. Even though we ar…
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…ds enact stories through history, maybe not just talk about them but enact critical moments, you know, when Socrates was questioning the businessman in Athens and that kind of dialogue that took place and how does it relate to their own lives, what does this mean for you and Johnny or Mary? What does this mean for, you know, what you’re learning in school. I mean, a lot of possibilities with it. Or having kids learn about how cultures throughout h…
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…dependent toward them. Our distressed behaviors may make our partner more critical, perceiving us as weak or clingy, and they may then pull back further. Alternately, a partner’s withholding may leave us angry or hardened against him or her. We may withdraw in response and become colder in our actions. Naturally, this too will leave us estranged and emotionally distant from each other. Talk about issues in non-heated moments When engines are revv…
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