trauma

These Invisible Memories Shape Our Lives

We’ve all heard the famous quote, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” While some version of this expression is often used when discussing broad cultural considerations like war, policy, and politics, it’s also one that very much applies to our own personal history. The less we’re able to bring our… Read more »

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Deep Sadness Can Deepen Love

Joy’s smile is much closer to tears than it is to laughter. —Victor Hugo, Hernani We often retreat from love when it unconsciously arouses painful feelings of sadness. This is not the kind of sadness that comes when our feelings are hurt or our heart is broken. That sadness makes sense to us. This type… Read more »

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Having Healthy Sex and Relationships After Sexual Abuse

Sexual trauma, abuse and violence impact a surprisingly large number of people — maybe even you or someone you know. One in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys under age 18 will experience sexual abuse or assault by an adult, reports the anti sexual-violence organization, RAINN. Accurate statistics about child sexual abuse are difficult… Read more »

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Defense Mechanisms

“When children are faced with pain and anxiety in their developmental years, they develop defense mechanisms to cut off that pain. But the tragedy is that in cutting off the pain, you also cut deeply into their lives, so that defenses that were basically survival-oriented psychologically also serve as terrible limitations to the self.” ~… Read more »

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Addiction Recovery: Why My Approach Is Trauma-Informed

It’s so hard to watch a loved one struggle with addiction. Whether it’s to using drugs, alcohol, food, pornography gaming, or something else, friends and family often feel helpless and hurt. We grieve losing connection with the person we care about. Why does addiction happen? What can friends or family do? I see addictive behavior… Read more »

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How To Love And Enjoy Your Own Body Again, Especially After Sexual Trauma

No matter who you are, feeling confident and attractive in today’s world can be a huge challenge. Images, voices and messages from mainstream media hold us up to impossible standards of looks and beauty.  Sexual confidence can disappear if we get unrealistic ideas in our heads about what it takes to be deemed attractive. For… Read more »

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9 Signs You Need Better Self-Care and May Be a Trauma Survivor

You know quite well how to take care of yourself, right? Ways to take care of your body are obvious. Getting enough sleep, brushing your teeth, and eating well are classic examples of good self-care. You need emotional self-care too. Can you  notice your emotions and thoughts with gentle awareness? Can you support a loved… Read more »

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How to Build Healthy Relationships

Ever wish you could laugh and talk more easily with others? When you try to share your feelings and get closer to someone, what happens? Do you freeze and say nothing? Does too much spill out? Do you have a short, awkward conversation? Do you end up feeling bad about yourself? People learn early in childhood… Read more »

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One Tool We Need After a Tragedy

A few years ago, my husband and I were having a late dinner at a café in Paris on a vacation when people started to shuffle and panic around us. An older man leaving the restaurant stopped to tell us that something terrible was happening; there was a terrorist attack a couple of miles away, and several… Read more »

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To Heal Trauma, Free Your Most Compassionate Self

The experience of trauma makes a profound mark on a person. It doesn’t matter whether the injury is grave and evident, like the bruising of a battered person, or hard to see, like the emotional neglect of someone detached and withdrawn. Whatever the cause, when a person feels threatened, helpless, and unable to escape, that… Read more »

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