love

Why My Relationship Failed, a Fantasy Bond Story

        We’ve all been there. Sitting alone, upset, rejected, wondering, “what the heck just happened?” That’s where I was at the end of my last relationship. The sad thing was, I knew exactly what had happened, and I knew I could have stopped it. It had all started nearly a year and… Read more »

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Three Ways We Make Communication Impossible

Strong communication is often said to be at the core of a solid relationship. But for communication to exist, these qualities must not. It’s sensible to imagine that when two people truly like each other, they’re willing to listen to each other’s struggles and stories, and respond with interest and compassion. But, very often, other… Read more »

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VIDEO: On Love and the Soul

Dr. James Gilligan on Love and the Soul Order PsychAlive’s DVD Interviews with Dr. James Gilligan: In this DVD, Dr. James Gilligan discusses the developmental roots of violence, such as the psychological effects of childhood neglect and dissociation. Drawing upon his wealth of experience working with violent adolescents and adults, Dr. Gilligan addresses implications for… Read more »

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The Fantasy Bond Defined for Professionals

An Introduction to The Fantasy Bond with Dr. Lisa Firestone  

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Keep Love Strong This Valentine’s Day and Beyond

The to-do list associated with Valentine’s Day typically involves flower orders, dinner reservations, and chocolate deliveries. All of these can be lovely gestures of fondness and appreciation, but all of them are fleeting symbols whose pleasures fade come February 15. The greatest and most lasting gift we can give a loved one is to be… Read more »

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A Relationship is a Creative Work: An Interview with Dr. James and Carol Gilligan

A Relationship Is A Creative Work Dr. Carol Gilligan: It’s like, if you do any creative work, you have to be willing to fail because creative work means you’re walking off the edge of a cliff. You don’t know what you’re going to do. And we’re a society that has a very low tolerance of… Read more »

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The Difference Between Emotional Hunger and Real Love

Emotional hunger is not love. It is a strong emotional need caused by deprivation in childhood. It is a primitive condition of pain and longing which people often act out in a desperate attempt to fill a void or emptiness. This emptiness is related to the pain of aloneness and separateness and can never realistically… Read more »

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Fear of Intimacy: Understanding Why People Fear Intimacy

What is Fear of Intimacy? Fear of intimacy is an often subconscious fear of closeness that frequently affects people’s personal relationships. This fear of physical and/or emotional intimacy tends to show up in people’s closest and most meaningful relationships. Where Does This Fear of Intimacy Come From? While there are times when we are aware… Read more »

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A New Approach to Violence Treatment: An Interview with Dr. James Gilligan

The following videos and transcripts are part of an exclusive interview series with Dr. James Gilligan and Dr. Lisa Firestone. Dr. James Gilligan is a renowned violence expert, and has contributed years of research to the treatment of  some of California’s most violent prisoners. Additionally, he served as an expert witness in the litigation that was… Read more »

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Can Love be Learned?

Anyone who has indulged in romantic comedies like When Harry Met Sally, As Good as it Gets, Moonstruck or pretty much anything starring Sandra Bullock knows the theme of opposites attracting and enemies becoming lovers. This theme has been around since the beginning of time; We see it in Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew and… Read more »

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