intimacy problems

3 Steps to Sustaining a Loving Relationship

A good relationship is all about connection, not just the one we feel when we first fall for someone, but the one we shape over time as we learn to share our lives with another person. For most couples, struggles tend to exist in the spaces where partners have either drifted apart or become fused… Read more »

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How to Beat Boredom in Your Relationship: Drop into the Plane of Possibility

Relationships are naturally full of highs and lows, but perhaps the thing couples complain about the most are the lulls. Boredom is often viewed as a destructive, yet inevitable, force in long-term relationships. One study even found that the most common way for that people describe their romantic relationships was “dull.” Most of us don’t… Read more »

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The Problem with Shopping for Relationships Online

4 things to explore if you’re looking to meet someone online First off, a disclaimer: I am NOT against online dating. Like most of you, I know many truly happy couples who only connected thanks to dating apps and websites. These sites can offer a wonderful way to meet people you wouldn’t otherwise. They open up… Read more »

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How to Stop Yourself from “Losing It” With Your Partner

We all have those moments of frustration with our partner that lead us to act in ways we later regret. We may acknowledge after the fact that there was a healthier way to react or vow to handle things better in the future, but the moment tensions rise, and we feel triggered in a particular… Read more »

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Are You Addicted to Your Relationship?

We’ve all been through it: the incessant checking of our phone, the tossing and turning through a night alone, the replaying of interactions in our head, the worrying about what he or she is thinking or feeling. We’ve all, at one point or another, known what it was to be consumed by the thought of… Read more »

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Having Healthy Sex and Relationships After Sexual Abuse

Sexual trauma, abuse and violence impact a surprisingly large number of people — maybe even you or someone you know. One in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys under age 18 will experience sexual abuse or assault by an adult, reports the anti sexual-violence organization, RAINN. Accurate statistics about child sexual abuse are difficult… Read more »

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Defense Mechanisms

“When children are faced with pain and anxiety in their developmental years, they develop defense mechanisms to cut off that pain. But the tragedy is that in cutting off the pain, you also cut deeply into their lives, so that defenses that were basically survival-oriented psychologically also serve as terrible limitations to the self.” ~… Read more »

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Beware of the Soulmate Myth

The Fantasy Bond Behind the Myth of the Soulmate I know people who say their ultimate relationship goal is finding a soulmate. They’re looking for a kindred spirit who they were meant to be with. Is this appealing to me? I can see how the idea that there might be another person out there who… Read more »

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Are You Expecting Too Much from Your Partner?

These 7 ways we over-rely on our partner can seriously hurt our relationship. When a couple comes to therapy, they tend to each arrive with a laundry list of complaints about the other. While neither person may claim to be perfect themselves, they find it much easier to talk about their partner. “She never picks… Read more »

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Why Do Couples Fall in and Out of Love?

“Falling in love is natural… sustaining love is unnatural. Sustaining love requires psychology, art and discipline.” ~Warren Farrell As a therapist who works with couples, I find this blog title to be the most compelling question faced by those in long-term love relationships. Why do most relationships lose that sense of promise and excitement and… Read more »

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