defenses

What Are Defenses?

When he was 3-years-old, Kevin watched his dad drive away. For the few months following his parents’ split, Kevin and his brother had moved in with their father. The three of them lived together contentedly until the day Kevin’s mom showed up out of the blue and announced that she was taking the kids back…. Read more »

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The Inner Voice that Undermines Your Relationship

Sometimes our criticisms of our partners and ourselves has less to do with reality and more to do with a self-critical set of standards imposed on us by an internal enemy. When attempting to understand what goes wrong in our relationships, it can feel as if we would have to wade through un-translated copies of… Read more »

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How Do I Know if I Have a Fantasy Bond?

There are ways to uncover how and why a genuinely loving relationship can forego passion for routine. How often do we find ourselves going from a vital sense of love for another person to a weighted feeling of complacency or dissatisfaction? Why does this occur? Is it something in us or is it the person… Read more »

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How to Identify Your Critical Inner Voice

Millions of self-critical thoughts circle our minds everyday, leaving us miserable, discouraged and held back from going after what we want. Identifying these thoughts as mean-spirited, external points of view can free us from that destructive critical inner voice. You don’t have to look far to find your critical inner voice. It’s there when you… Read more »

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Seven Qualities of an Ideal Partner

Learn the qualities that make a person an ideal partner – They may not be what you expected. While the reasons we fall in love are often a mystery, the reasons we stay in love are far less elusive. There may be no such thing as the perfect partner, but an ideal partner can be… Read more »

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Defenses

“What’s keeping me from feeling?” How could something as natural as feeling our emotions be so difficult? There is a very logical explanation for why we have trouble accessing our feelings and instead find ourselves cut off and detached. Many of us are defended against feeling and to understand why, we have to go back… Read more »

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Identify Your Critical Inner Voice

The critical inner voice is an internal dialogue, a harsh and judgmental way of talking to ourselves. It is evident in those little everyday thoughts that flit through our consciousness: “You idiot, why did you say that? Now everyone will think you are stupid.” “You moron, you never should have taken this route in rush… Read more »

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Self-Limiting Behaviors

  “Why do I keep sabotaging my own success?” We have the opportunity to apply for our dream job, but we end up procrastinating and missing the deadline for submitting the application. Or we go to the interview, but our behavior is uncharacteristically subdued and unenthusiastic, and we “blow the interview.” Or we actually get… Read more »

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