Search Results for: robert firestone

Is Being Proud of Your Kids Really about You?

…an attempt to be connected to the accomplishment. My father, psychologist Robert Firestone, has developed the concept of a “fantasy bond” to help parents understand their exaggerated desire to connect with their children. A fantasy bond describes an illusion of fusion between two people that replaces real love and relating. This bond can create a false sense of security, however it can also impair the child’s budding individuality and actual sens…

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Making Changes in the New Year

…es and influences us to withdraw from life and to not act in our interest. Robert Firestone calls this enemy within the “critical inner voice.” When we take action that reflects the life-affirming part of us, we are also taking action against the critical inner voice. When we stop a negative behavior and enact a positive one in its place, our critical inner voice is threatened and tries to get us back in line. If you conceptualize it as a maliciou…

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Staying in Love While Staying Yourself

…s who we are. When a couple enters what my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, terms a “Fantasy Bond,” they start to replace substantive, loving actions with the form of being a couple. The practicalities and routines remain, but the liveliness starts to fizzle. To avoid this fantasy connection, it’s important to keep taking loving actions that our partner would experience as loving, to continue to be affectionate, make eye contact,…

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mindfullness open field

Building Trust: Using Mindfulness to Overcome Relationship Anxiety

…ths, now years, of being in a relationship with this man. I once heard Dr. Robert Firestone say that a person should “sweat it out” when they’re anxious and out of their comfort zone due to being loved. I hunted down the following gem from the book Fear of Intimacy by him and Joyce Catlett: (A person) “has to sweat it out when things get close with other people, and they have to learn to suffer the pain of being loved and not provoke rejection… Wh…

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Coping with Grief

…to do the same. If you’re interested in the subject of coping with grief during Covid-19, I strongly recommend this webinar with Dr. Robert Neimeyer. You can learn more here….

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How to Beat the 5 Types of Boredom that Arise in Relationships

…entering into a fantasy bond. A fantasy bond is a concept conceived by Dr. Robert Firestone to describe how couples enter into an “illusion of fusion” that places the form of being a couple over the substance of being in love. When a couple enters a fantasy bond, they stop engaging in certain loving actions and behaviors that show respect for the other person as a separate individual, i.e. listening, making eye contact, showing affection, supporti…

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avoidant attachment

Do You or Your Partner Have an Avoidant Attachment Pattern?

…g a form of emotional neglect. They’re missing what my father psychologist Robert Firestone has called “love food,” a form of attuned emotional nourishment and parental warmth that they need to thrive, particularly in their first year. In its absence, the child may learn that the best way to deal with their frustration at not having their needs met is to act like they don’t have any. As Dr. Daniel Siegel put it, the child learns to disconnect from…

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5 Ways Working on Ourselves Can Benefit Our Kids

…children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” – Robert Fulghum A lot of people marvel at how parenting has changed over the years. Some mock how it’s become so much more hands-on and child-centered. “We grew up like wild dogs in the ‘60s,” joked Jerry Seinfeld in a recent stand-up routine. “No helmets, no seat belts, no restraints. Anything came to a stop, we just flew through the air. I was either eating 100% sugar, or…

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Are You Addicted to Your Relationship?

…ituations is that they have formed what my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, termed a “fantasy bond,” a largely subconscious connection with their partner in which they feel like they are not complete without the other person. This illusion of connection fosters a sense of safety or security that exacerbates the feeling of need toward the other person. However, when in a fantasy bond, the couple tends to favor the form over the sub…

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Is Social Media to Blame for the Rise in Narcissism?

…effect on our kids. In our recent book The Self Under Siege, my father Dr. Robert Firestone and I write about the importance of parents encouraging their children to have a true sense of self. In order for children to feel secure and confident in themselves, it is essential for parents to distinguish emotional hunger from real love. Real parental love includes warmth, affection and attunement to a child’s needs, as well as offering the child guida…

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