…competitive is 100 percent natural, and it is impossible to avoid it. The trouble comes when we start to express these feelings by lashing out at others or turning on ourselves. A friend of mine recently took my suggestion to analyze a scenario in which she’d casually made a self-described “catty” comment about a co-worker who was acting flirtatious in the office and receiving a great deal of male attention. What she found when she looked into th…
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…s of appreciation? We’ll start with the first question: Why do people have trouble feeling grateful? 1. It’s difficult to acknowledge what we have. One of the explanations people give for why they’ve stopped showing appreciation (or even feeling it) is that they’ve simply stopped paying attention, as their lives have become more sped up or routine. Part of the reason we start to take things (including relationships) for granted in this way is beca…
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…ritical inner voice, which tells us what to do to relieve our anxiety. The trouble is this coach often offers terrible advice. It keeps us from facing our fears and going after what we want. It’s important to not give in to feelings of anxiety and to keep taking the actions that move us toward our goals. If we indulge in our anxiety by avoiding or retreating from something like a job interview or asking someone on a date, we may feel temporary rel…
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…ortant. Should you feel stressed or agitated, your child is likely to have trouble relaxing. Should you feel calm and sure of yourself, your baby is likely to feel secure and trusting. Our children depend on us for survival and, therefore, are highly attuned to our emotions. The more calm and compassionate we are in reacting to our children, the more resilient they become in handling their own emotions. Yet, as parents, we will always have moments…
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…itation has been shown to lead to less self-criticism. Most of us get into trouble when we start blindly believing or focusing in on our flaws. We lose ourselves to self-evaluation, self-criticism, and even self-hatred. This leads to self-limiting or self-destructive behavior. Mindful meditation helps us to get a grasp on these thoughts before they take over. As we get started on 2017, we all have different desires, different issues we want to tac…
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…erable for much of her childhood. In years of keeping quiet, never causing trouble and crying herself to sleep, Kelly’s parents remained oblivious to her turmoil. “I feel like they were never there when I needed them. When I was scared, I felt like I couldn’t be scared, because I had no one to turn to. I think that’s really the thing that was missing is just being loved somehow, being held–just that,” said Kelly. Years later, Kelly realized that m…
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…y sisters often pick up each other’s kids once or twice a week to allow the other to have an extra hour at the end of the day. Another friend makes a game out of late-night grocery shopping with his whole family when he or his wife has trouble making time to get to the market. Whatever it is that helps, give that action the time and importance it deserves. Anything we can do to help squeeze more joy, peace, and meaning out of our day is a worthy p…
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…ime to take in the information before acting on a request? Are they having trouble following the flow, or the rate of speed at which information is coming at them via visual or auditory channels, or figuring out where or how to move their bodies? Too hard: Is it too hard because it is a poor fit, like trying to be graceful or musical when you are not wired that way and have had to practice or instruction? Is there difficulty in meeting expectation…
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…al our minds and resolve unresolved issues or experiences of which we have trouble making sense. The steps include: Recognizing the trauma or loss Acknowledging/Accepting/Allowing that it occurred and may not be resolved Investigating the nature of the experience in your past and present life Non-identification with the experience, meaning that we don’t over-identify with what happened and allow that event define us Click here to watch a RAIN Medi…
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…This metaphor comes to mind when I meet with another young person who has trouble going to sleep at night or is tormented by worries. As the stories unfold, I hear about witnessing gang violence or fear of gun violence in her school. Kidnappings, rape and gun violence have been part of our society for a long time. The increased frequency and intensity of anxiety I am seeing in our children has led me to wonder about why they are so anxious, strug…
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