Anxiety can be a serious psychological condition that limits us in our interactions, our development and our general state of mind. For some of us, anxiety has a constant presence, continually setting off alarms in our brain that tell us to worry over every little thing.  For others, we may hardly take notice when we are feeling anxious. Yet we might find ourselves obliviously pulling back from things that make us slightly uncomfortable. To whatever degree, whenever we give our anxiety power over our behavior, we are likely to become more anxious, more self-destructive and self-limiting.

One of the most important things to realize about anxiety is that the anxious state is often driven by a self-destructive thought process known as the “critical inner voice.” In some cases, this voice operates subtly. It may even sound friendly, as it coaxes you out of taking on challenges and going after goals. At these times, you may begin to have thoughts that seem friendly and alluring such as:

“You don’t really want to be a doctor, so why stay in med school?”

“You don’t really like him/her that much anyway, so don’t bother asking him/her out.”

“You should just leave her before she leaves you. You’re fine on your own. You’re good at being single.”

In more extreme or direct cases, we may experience intense anxiety or a tendency to undergo dramatic stress or even panic attacks. When this becomes a pattern, the torturous thoughts that perpetuate anxiety warn us that we are going to feel anxious, causing the anticipation and anxiety to build. Once we start to think we are going to feel tense and worried, it is difficult to avoid becoming anxious. The voice inside taunts us, which adds to our tension and increases our attunement to any anxiety symptoms in our bodies. Rather than allowing us to deal with things in a calm, matter of fact manner, the voice exacerbates the situation, making even small inconveniences feel catastrophic in nature.

The more we listen to this inner voice and its dooming messages and deceptive warnings, the stronger our anxiety will become. Additionally, if we pull back to avoid these unpleasant feelings, the fear that we are hoping to avoid will grow. It is therefore essential not to give these messages from our brains any ground. When you deal with the anxious symptoms early on, you help prevent your fears from escalating out of control.

Conversely, the more you we indulge and listen to this voice, the more anxiety will begin to take over your our life, keeping you out of situations you may have enjoyed. When in the throws of anxiety, it is vital that we stand strong and keep a real sense of faith that we will get through it. When in this state, we must not sabotage ourselves by taking actions that make us overwhelmingly anxious. Instead, we must begin to take incremental leaps of faith, taking on challenges one step at a time.

It is essential to remember, however, that the critical inner voice can be a tricky and negative influence. When you start making positive changes, you may feel an increase in your anxiety levels. Very often, when we actively work toward or attain a goal, for instance, applying for a job, being accepted to a school or entering a new relationship, we begin to experience increased fear and anxiety. Though excited about our accomplishments, we may also feel scared, self-critical and overly worried. Our voices will try to tear us down with thoughts like, “Who are you kidding? They’ll never hire you” or “Don’t bother getting serious about this relationship. He/She doesn’t even like you that much anyway.” When this happens, stand up to your critical inner voice. Don’t let it dictate your behavior and determine your future.

You can challenge the critical inner voice by figuring out exactly what it is telling you and identifying what circumstances trigger it. Once we know what the voice is saying, we can begin to uncover where it may have come from and how we came to take on this self-critical point of view. Did you have a parent who worried constantly about your well-being, your performance or your abilities? Were you rejected by someone you cared for or made to feel a burden by someone you needed? Any of these early negative experiences, from physical to emotional neglect and abuse, can be internalized, thus shaping our inner voice. To learn more about the inner voice click here.

It’s important to note that change rarely comes without some anxiety. It is a feeling that comes with making positive strides in our development. We can deal with this anxiety by taking small steps toward facing the things we are afraid of. It is helpful to recognize that this can be a sign that we are challenging core issues and making progress in a certain area of our lives.

Related Articles:
Stress
Critical Inner Voice

Remember, however, that it is always destructive to torture yourself with extreme anxiety-provoking thoughts. There are many anxiety disorders that can have a severely negative impact on your life. If you are in pain or in crisis and feel you need help, there are many treatments available and places you can seek help. The following is a list of resources on anxiety:

National Institute of Mental Health -Anxiety
WebMD – Anxiety
Anxiety Disorders Association of America
Mayo Clinic – Anxiety
Insight Journal

GET HELP:
IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS IN CRISIS OR IN NEED OF IMMEDIATE HELP, CALL 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
This is a free hotline available 24 hours a day to anyone in emotional distress or suicidal crisis.

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Many of us experience stress on a daily basis. Stress has taken so routine a space in life today that we’ve grown accustomed to rubbing our foreheads, medicating our headaches, casually bringing it up in conversation and then, at the end of each weekend, anticipating another week filled with it. Today, many of our lifestyles have fallen into the go, go, go pattern of leaping from task to task, interrupted only by brief moments of unwinding the after-dinner glass of wine, the annual vacation or the weekend zone-out session of TV. In spite of our sea of complaints, complications and excuses, why are we so accepting of stress? How often do we actually take the time to take a closer look at why we get stressed, to challenge this feeling and make an effort to overcome it?

A lot of people feel stressed because they have more things they need or want to do then they can get done. These unrealistic expectations can lead us to attack ourselves with unrealistic self-critical thoughts.

You can’t get anything right!
You’ll never be able to get this done.
You’re a failure!

These thoughts impair us in our actions, leading to increased stress and demoralization. It is essential that we stand up to these voices in our heads and do not allow them any power over our mood or our behavior. We can help this process by understanding the source of these thoughts.

When we experience this strain, we also run the risk of feeling victimized by it. Too often we take a powerless position and blame others for the pressure we’ve put ourselves under. At these times, we may find ourselves becoming critical, self-pitying or even outwardly abusive. Never punish other people when you find yourself overwhelmed by these feelings. Unnecessary disputes, arguments and rivalries will only add to your stress.

The combination of feeling victimized or self-hating often leads us to complain. This tendency is reinforced when we are surrounded by others who tend to complain about problems, rather than seek to understand and solve them. While it is invaluable to use a friend to relieve anxiety or gain perspective on your self-critical thoughts, it is different (and often destructive) when we use them to complain to and further indulge our self-pity. If we find ourselves chronically repeating destructive patterns, we are far less likely to take constructive action and seek a solution to our misery. We are certainly not dealing with what’s really causing us so much stress.

Don’t try to  alleviate your stress by numbing yourself with alcohol and drugs. These actions just lead to dependencies that generate even more stress as well as physical health concerns. Rather than becoming weakened by our stress, it’s important that we take power. Granted not everything in life is within our control, but our emotions can be dealt with in a strong, productive manner. The more we stay in the moment, the less we are likely to be overwhelmed by thoughts of the past or future. This may seem easier said than done, but rather than get demoralized, it’s possible to maintain a powerful, proactive stance.

It’s important that we do not make stress a lifestyle. When stressed, take a moment to slow down and get in touch with yourself. Forget about all that you have to do, and find a way to focus on you. For some, this may be meditation. For others, it may be listening to a certain song. Once you are “back in your own skin” you will have a more accurate perspective about the overall balance of your life. You will be able to evaluate your responsibilities in relation to how you want to live. Have you taken on so much that you always feel something is left undone? Are there things on your high priority list that are really not that important and can be done later or even delegated to someone else? This is a valuable exercise to repeat at those times you find stress getting the better of you.

It may be a cliché, but it’s also a reality that worry won’t make it better. What will help is thinking about the source of your tendency to become stressed. Think of ways your stress is linked with your past. We tend to take it for granted that the tensions we  grew up are just a natural part of life. As adults, it never crosses our minds that life can be free of them. Think about whether, as a child, you felt as if you were in an intense or agitated environment? Don’t rationalize away your past experiences with thoughts like “My parents did the best they could” or “My childhood wasn’t that bad.” What might not seem traumatic to you as an adult may have felt truly scary when you were little. Remember, as a child, everything from an adult’s expression to a crowded supermarket can feel overwhelming and intimidating. If stress is a pattern in your life, try to imagine how this could be a replica of your childhood? These may be difficult connections to make, but the more we identify stress as a link with our past, the better able we are to overcome it in our present.

If you suffer from anxiety, visit our Anxiety page or the following helpful resources:
National Institute of Mental Health -Anxiety
WebMD – Anxiety
Anxiety Disorders Association of America
Mayo Clinic – Anxiety
Insight Journal

GET HELP:
IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS IN CRISIS OR IN NEED OF IMMEDIATE HELP, CALL 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

This is a free hotline available 24 hours a day to anyone in emotional distress or suicidal crisis.

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