Creating Meaning: On the Role of Death in Life
CE Webinar
May 22 – 4pm – 5:30pm PDT
* Video recording available after live Webinar
Learn more or register here

Self Esteem: the Belief that One is a Valuable Contributor to a Meaningful Universe
Free Webinar
June 12 – 11am- 12pm PDT
Learn more or register here

Continuing Education Information

* Continuing Education (CE) credits are being offered to mental health professionals through PsychoEducational Resources, Inc. (PER) Participants may earn 1.5 CE credits”

* CE Certificates will be mailed out from (PER) 3-4 weeks after completion of the webinar For additional CE information contact PER at 800-892-9249 or email support@per-ce.net. For more information on CE credits click here

* If you have a special needs questions or have any concerns, please contact Jina@glendon.org or call 805-681-0415

* Once payment and registration are received, there will be no cancellations or refunds. Should you be unable to listen to the live event, a complete recorded session will be made available to you at no additional charge.

Share

Learn more or register here

Learn more or register here

Continuing Education Information

* Continuing Education (CE) credits are being offered to mental health professionals through PsychoEducational Resources, Inc. (PER) Participants may earn 1.5 CE credits”

* CE Certificates will be mailed out from (PER) 3-4 weeks after completion of the webinar For additional CE information contact PER at 800-892-9249 or email support@per-ce.net. For more information on CE credits click here

* If you have a special needs questions or have any concerns, please contact Jina@glendon.org or call 805-681-0415

* Once payment and registration are received, there will be no cancellations or refunds. Should you be unable to listen to the live event, a complete recorded session will be made available to you at no additional charge.

Share

Learn more or register here

Learn more or register here

Learn more or register here

Learn more or register here

Learn more or register here

Continuing Education Information

* Continuing Education (CE) credits are being offered to mental health professionals through PsychoEducational Resources, Inc. (PER) Participants may earn 1.5 CE credits”

* CE Certificates will be mailed out from (PER) 3-4 weeks after completion of the webinar For additional CE information contact PER at 800-892-9249 or email support@per-ce.net. For more information on CE credits click here

* If you have a special needs questions or have any concerns, please contact Jina@glendon.org or call 805-681-0415

* Once payment and registration are received, there will be no cancellations or refunds. Should you be unable to listen to the live event, a complete recorded session will be made available to you at no additional charge.

Share

Though it can seem like we are stumbling blindly through the web of challenges parenting presents, there are ways to better understand our child’s rapidly developing mind and strategies to help our children through their own personal challenges and emotional lows. Some of the most valuable of insights come from a new book by Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson, The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind, Survive Everyday Parenting Struggles, and Help Your Family Thrive. In this acclaimed text, parents are introduced to a new science illustrating how a child’s brain is wired and how it matures. With this understanding as a base, parents can implement techniques that help turn meltdowns into opportunities to integrate their child’s brain.

Like all human beings, children are ruled by their emotional right brain and their logical left brain. Helping children to understand and integrate both sides of their brain equips them with an invaluable tool that enables them to lead a more balanced, emotionally stable, and mentally healthy life. Even though our goal is to raise calm and happy kids, very often we make mistakes in the moments when our children are at their most vulnerable. For example, when our kids throw tantrums, we may attempt to appeal to them through pure logic, instruction, or worse case scenario, by “losing it” ourselves. When we comprehend what is going on in our child’s brain during these meltdowns, we learn a better way to relate to our children as well as a powerful method to teach them effective tools for coping with their own tumultuous emotions.

On January 24, I will host a live CE Webinar with Dr. Tina Bryson, The Whole-Brain Child Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. In this online presentation, Dr. Bryson will introduce ways to turn the difficulties of parenting into opportunities. Tough as they can be, outbursts, arguments, and bouts of fear can all offer prime chances to integrate a child’s brain. Here are a few effective tips to help get your child develop a well-integrated mind. To learn more, join us for the upcoming free and CE Webinars with Dr. Bryson.

Use the logic of left brain to make sense out of feelings in the right – Simply telling our children to “calm down” or “stop crying” is not an effective way to help them through what Dr. Bryson calls “emotional tsunamis.” Demanding our kids be rational when they are operating under the influence of their irrational right brains is a mis-attuned effort often made in vain. Instead, offer your child empathy. Acknowledge that they are feeling bad, scared, frustrated etc. and express that you are sorry they’re in pain. As they become calmer, ask them to explain what upset them and help guide them through their story, while investigating what triggered the meltdown.

Help kids tell their story – Protective as we may be, our kids will all experience at least mildly traumatic events. Mean teachers who ridiculed them, scary seconds when they got lost in the supermarket; instances that incited fear, anger, or sadness will arise. We can help our kids resolve these traumas when they occur by supporting their effort to make sense out of what happened to them. This process starts with talking to them about it. Don’t avoid stressful topics in hopes that your kids will forget all about the incident. Instead, gently guide your children, as they tell you their story. “When did you notice your mother wasn’t around? How did you feel when you realized you were lost?’ Talking may seem difficult at first, but the more a child can make sense of his or her story, the more integrated and calm he or she will become. Contrarily, any unresolved trauma can present problems later in life.

Teach your child that feelings go through us – When our child has calmed down, it is helpful to explain to them that feelings, even intense emotions, come and go. Our emotions pass through us like waves, building and building until finally they reach their peak, crash, and subside. We can’t choose these feelings, but we can decide how we will behave when they arise. We can be curious about them and talk about them, all the while understanding that they won’t last forever.

Rupture and repair – Parents are human. We mess up, we say the wrong thing, and sometimes we let our own emotions get in the way. When this happens, we can help our kids a great deal by talking to them about what happened and how we behaved. We shouldn’t be afraid to say sorry when we make mistakes. Be open about your own story. Explain how you overreacted because you felt angry or afraid. By relaxing and acknowledging your reaction, you are demonstrating how to calm down, a lesson your children can apply when they find themselves in similar situations.

Keep calm and carry on – We’ve all either seen or been that mother who is getting into a full-on argument with their two-year-old about putting a sweater on, or that father who is practically throwing his own tantrum as his kid cries over what he’s served for lunch. No matter what the scenario, losing our temper is never the solution. Letting our emotional right brains take over only teaches our kids to feel as out of control as we’re behaving. Our own unresolved traumas and negative early experiences will constantly inform our reactions to our kids. Be aware of what triggers you, and be sure to separate the emotions these events stir up from your kids’ independent experience.

By being more attuned to our kids, understanding their developing mind, and actively seeking out and implementing effective strategies to help them cope, we are doing them a great service in arming them with tools that will not only strengthen their own resilience but will be passed on to future generations.

Dr. Lisa Firestone, PhD, is the Director of Research and Education for The Glendon Association. Since 1987, she has been involved in clinical training and applied research in suicide and violence. In collaboration with Dr. Robert Firestone, her studies resulted in the development of the Firestone Assessment of Self-Destructive Thoughts (FAST) and the Firestone Assessment of Violent Thoughts (FAVT). Dr. Firestone has published numerous professional articles, and most recently was the co-author of the books: Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships (APA Books, 2006),Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice(New Harbinger, 2002), and Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion: The Wisdom of Psychotherapy (APA Books, 2003).

Share

That was proof enough for me that the stigma of mental illness still exists.
My husband complied with his request; however, I openly discussed my grandmother’s, uncle’s, mother’s, and cousin’s mental illness in my memoir, Leaving the Hall Light On; A Mother’s Memoir of Living with Her Son’s Bipolar Disorder and Surviving His Suicide. I truly believe that their genes passed on bipolar disorder to my son.

My son was a young adult, age twenty-one, when he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. And throughout the seven years he struggled with the disease, I thoroughly believe the stigma of his mental illness stopped him from a treatment program that might have saved him from his destiny, suicide. He worked during the last two years of his life for a internet service provider, and when the people in the company heard of the reason for his death they were shocked to find out he had any illness whatsoever. He was a master at hiding his bipolar symptoms. He didn’t want to take his meds, he didn’t accept needed hospitalizations, he just tried to act as “normal” as he could. If he had followed the advice that is currently offered, such as admitting something is wrong, not feeling ashamed, seeking and following treatment and support, accepting help from family and friends, he might still be alive today1.

Stigma can be exhibited in several ways: bullying, physical violence, harassment, negative remarks, calling a mentally ill person crazy, portraying a mentally ill person as a sociopath or violent in films and television, or characterizing a mentally ill person as weak and stupid. And some of the harmful effects of stigma can include, according to the Mayo Clinic staff:
• Lack of understanding by family, friends, colleagues or others you know
• Discrimination at work or school
• Difficulty finding housing
• Health insurance that doesn’t adequately cover mental illness
• The belief that a mentally ill person will never be able to succeed at certain challenges or that you can’t improve your situation1.
Knowing the causes will help erase stigma and enable a search for ways to get help if needed. Mental illness is caused by a disease of the brain, actually a chemical imbalance in the brain, much like a physical disease such as asthma or diabetes. Physical illnesses need treatment, so do mental illnesses.

Since genetics is one of the biological causes of mental illness, find out if there is any mental illness in your family, because if there is, you could be at risk. Other causes of mental illness could be brain defects or prenatal damage. There are also psychological and environmental causes that can trigger this illness if a person is susceptible. I believe that stressors in my son’s life triggered his first manic break. So, the more we know about the causes of mental illness and the more we are attuned to the fact that the unusual behaviors of mentally ill people are symptoms and not the cause, the easier it will be to erase the stigma associated with it.

The most important way to erase stigma is to open the conversation about mental illness. As Glenn Close, who has a sister with bipolar disorder and a nephew with schizoaffective disorder, says, “What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, more unashamed conversation about illnesses that affect not only individuals, but their families as well.”

So for us to converse about it intelligently, we must know what mental illness looks like. Here are a few aspects of it, according to Hugh C. McBride :
• Mood swings, agitation, and anxiety
• Altered sleep patterns (excessive sleeping or insomnia)
• Loss of focus or inability to concentrate
• Drastic weight changes (either gains or losses)
• Fatigue or exhaustion
• Loss of interest in hobbies, sports, school or work, or other activities that previously were important
• Decline in academic or work performance, frequent absences from school or work, and skipped classes or important meetings
• Thoughts of death, expressions of wanting to die, discussions of suicide
• Substance abuse (including the abuse of alcohol, illicit drugs, and prescription pills)2

Contrary to the misconception that mental illness cannot be treated, therapy, short or long-term hospitalizations, and prescribed medications specific to the type of mental illness can help. Mental illness cannot be cured, but it can be treated. Unfortunately if it is left untreated there are many dangers. These include addiction to alcohol and/or drugs for those who are self-medicating, and the one I am most familiar with, the risk of suicide.

Since my son died by suicide as a result of his bipolar disorder, my mission has been to erase the stigma of mental illness and to discuss mental illness and suicide openly and often. Only then can we hope to save some lives.

1Mayo Clinic staff, “Mental Health: Overcoming the Stigma of Mental Illness: False Beliefs About Mental Illness Can Cause Significant Problems. Learn What You Can Do About Stigma”

2Hugh C. McBride, “Stigma Keeps Many Teens from Getting Mental Health Treatment”

Madeline Sharples has worked most of her life as a technical writer and editor, grant writer, and proposal manager. She fell in love with poetry and creative writing in grade school and decided to fulfill her dreams of being a professional writer later in her life. Madeline is the author of Leaving the Hall Light On, a memoir about how she and her family survived her older son’s suicide, which resulted from his long struggle with bipolar disorder. She and her husband of 40 years live in Manhattan Beach, CA. Click Here to read more about Madeline Sharples

“Leaving the Hall Light On”

Share

To learn more visit: TinaBryson.com

Articles

Knowledge, Instinct, and Self- Understanding

There’s plenty of advice available on parenting, but there’s no one Parenting Rulebook that answers all parenting questions. In fact, it’s helpful to have a handful of different strategies and approaches, and to keep in mind that your approaches should evolve as you mature as a parent, and as you approach each new phase of childhood. It’s almost always problematic when parents rigidly adhere to any one philosopy.

Upcoming Webinars

Learn more or register here

Learn more or register here

Books

Share

My overall suggestion? Combine knowledge, instinct, and self-understanding.

Knowledge

Knowledge is definitely power, and parents usually find it useful to have a few strategies to help them deal with their children. Simply by reading and talking to other parents, you can arm yourself with all kinds of tools and approaches to help you more easily manage your children and the role of parenting in a way you feel good about.

Knowledge is also powerful when it comes to dealing with developmental phases and challenges, from the early newborn days all the way through adolescence. When a new mother becomes frustrated because her six-week-old is nursing every hour all day long, a part of her may begin to resent the infant because of this loss of freedom. However, if she were to read a bit about newborns and their growth patterns, she’d discover that during a growth spurt, a baby will often “cluster feed” for a week or two. An understanding of this important phase in her son’s life can help the mother be much more patient and understanding, even if she continues to feel a bit frustrated about the amount of time she’s spending nursing.

The same would apply to a toddler. A father can address the tantrums of his two-year-old much more lovingly and effectively if he has an understanding of what this phase means for his daughter (that one of her most important jobs at this age is to discover and assert her own independent self). Again, his frustration (and even anger) may still be there, but the father can handle those emotions much better if he can understand that his daughter is in the process of claiming her own personhood and testing to what extent she is actually separating from her parents.

The basic idea is that knowledge can help you view parenting struggles as opportunities to know your children better and to help them through difficult times. It doesn’t mean that you won’t get frustrated; but good information can make all the difference in your perspective. The more we can understand our children and learn about their process of development, the better prepared we’ll be to guide them along their journey toward healthy adulthood.

Instinct

Be wary of any parenting approaches that offer an “all or nothing” mentality or that seem extreme. Certain “parenting gurus” will present THE ONE WAY to get babies to sleep through the night, or THE ONE WAY to get your teenager to make straight-A’s. But most of the time, moderation and a combination of different approaches produce the best results. Listen to lots of experts (and non-experts), and then pick and choose different aspects of different approaches that seem to apply best to your situation.

Again, knowledge is power. But don’t give up your own power to make decisions that are best for your children, yourself, your marriage, and your family. Gather all the information you can, and then use your common sense and your instincts to make a decision that feels right. You know your child better than anyone. Think about how your child might experience the situation and respond to your child’s needs. Your instincts will usually tell you to respond to your child’s needs, and those instincts are there for a reason—that’s what your child requires most from you: that you’ll trust that his needs will be recognized and responded to quickly and consistently.

Self-understanding

The science from a number of fields shows that parents’ own experiences in their lives strongly influence how they react and parent. This is a double-edged sword. Our positive and nurturing experiences influence our parenting, but our negative and painful experiences affect us as well. The nurturing we’ve received in our lives will be passed on to our children in the way we interact with them. But the pain we’ve experienced can cause us to react in ways that don’t really make sense, so that we end up parenting in ways that we aren’t really happy with.

For this reason, it’s important that parents do all they can to understand themselves as fully as possible. Self-awareness can lead to emotional and mental health. And the more emotionally and mentally healthy you are, the more present you’ll be able to be for your kids, and the more fully you’ll be able to love and nurture them in the everyday moments of life. (Dan Siegel and I wrote an article about this idea for the PBS series “This Emotional Life.” Click here to see it.)

Remember, also, to take care of yourself and your marriage and your other relationships. Avoid focusing so much on parenting well that you neglect your own emotional and physical health. For your children to fully flourish, they need parents who are flourishing too, nurturing themselves and their relationships.

Read more from Dr. Tina Bryson at http://tinabryson.com/.

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson is a psychotherapist at Pediatric and Adolescent Psychology Associates in Arcadia, California, where she sees children and provides parenting consultations. She speaks to parents, educators, and clinicians all across the country, and she has written for numerous venues, most recently the PBS series “This Emotional Life.” She also co-hosts a web-based parenting show called The Intentional Parent.Tina is also the author of “The Whole Brain Child” A Revolutionary Parenting book co-authored by Dr. Dan Siegel. Read more from Dr. Bryson on her website, http://tinabryson.com/.

Share

You don’t need to be a psychologist to note the very harsh effects of a breakup on a person’s mental health. When a relationship ends, humiliation, rage, loneliness, anguish and grief all seem to simultaneously show up at the door, marching in arm-in-arm to parade noisily around our psyche. Evicting these emotions is a matter of healing, reconciling, finding peace within ourselves and somehow moving on. The road to recovery is rough, not just because we are struggling with the real loss of a person or a way of life we really loved, but because every painful rejection is fueled by two forces: the actuality of the loss itself and the army of negative, self-loathing thoughts reawakens within us.

Every hurt we experience echoes a barrage of rejections and painful events from our pasts. Throughout our lives, we are psychologically formed by our experience. We sweep along collecting the dust from the many lies, miscommunications, betrayals, criticisms and rejections we have experienced from the moment we were born: the frightening time a parent lost control, the angry look of a caretaker, the disapproval from someone we admired or abandonment of a loved one. All of these old and familiar experiences have shaped the way we see ourselves and the world around us.

As adults, we tend to use painful events from our present to confirm negative attitudes from our past. The horrible things we believe about ourselves on a deep, fundamental level resurface the minute a situation like a break-up can be used to prove and support them. How often do we hear people fresh out of a relationship say things like, “He never really loved me. I will never find someone. I’m destined to be alone. Who would choose me?” How can the dismissal of one person cause such a spiral of universal self-shame? Why can’t we shake that sinking feeling of humiliation and unworthiness the moment someone decides they don’t want to be with us romantically?

My father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, recently commented, “It’s amazing how people will suck the marrow out of rejection.” While most of us like to think that all we want is true love, the reality is, many of us are addicted to rejection. Rejection validates the negative point of view of what my father calls a “critical inner voice.” This “voice” represents an internal enemy shaped out of negative events that took place early in life. While the commentary of this critical inner voice might not be pleasant, it is familiar, and unless we challenge it, we carry it stubbornly with us into adulthood.

This explains why, in a break-up, instead of just feeling the sadness of losing someone important to us, we are so often determined to turn the rejection against ourselves. Our critical inner voice, which may have been quieted while we were basking in the affections of someone we cared for, is now there to coldly say “I told you so.” Just as our positive sense of self is there to lift us through dark times, our inner critic is there to drag us through the mud. Which side of ourselves we choose to go with can mean the difference between living a rich and fulfilling life and holding ourselves back from true happiness every step of the way.

To get through a rejection or any painful occurrence in our life — the loss of a job, the inconsistency of a friend, the disappointment of a family member — we need to stand up to our critical inner voice. We can do this by first identifying when this voice is creeping into our thinking. When does a thought like, “I really miss him” become “I will never meet anyone like him. No one will ever love me?” To help us catch on to this cruel internal dialogue without blindly believing every word it utters, it’s helpful to think of our thoughts in the third person. Would we ever let someone talk to us the way we are shouting at ourselves? Moreover, would we ever tolerate someone speaking to a friend of ours the way our critical inner voice speaks to us?

We have to catch on the moment our anger turns against us. When your thoughts switch from, “I hate her for leaving me” to “Of course she left me. I’m nobody,” you can bet that your inner critic is now at work. The more we listen to it and indulge in its doctrines, the weaker and worse we feel. When you sense that voice seeping in, take a moment to write down your thoughts in the third person. Use “you” instead of “me” statements (i.e. “Of course she left you. You’re nobody.”) Think about what this voice sounds like to you. Is it familiar? Where could it be coming from? Then, respond to that voice with the compassion of a friend. You may write statements like, “I am not worthless. I’m a good person and a good choice. I deserve to be loved.”

The more we can identify when we are turning against ourselves rather than just feeling the pain of difficult events, the better off we will be in the long run. We can learn to cleanly separate our current feelings from the old pain and insults we carry with us. We can learn to treat rejection as a loss of a person we valued without losing a sense of our own value.

When we step out from the skewed viewpoint of our inner critic, we can map out and follow our own principles. In doing so, we build a strong and healthy sense of self that no one person can shatter. It becomes harder and harder to define ourselves through the eyes of someone else, particularly those who’ve hurt us along the way. The goal in abolishing our inner critic and establishing this sense of self is not to boost our egos or build a wall of protection that wards off outsiders or closes us off from love. It is simply to recognize and separate from past influences that have led us astray. This journey of differentiation helps us to uncover who we really are, to feel solid and worthy as ourselves, and to accept that we are lovable, and that we have been since the day we were born.

Dr. Lisa Firestone, PhD, is the Director of Research and Education for The Glendon Association. Since 1987, she has been involved in clinical training and applied research in suicide and violence. In collaboration with Dr. Robert Firestone, her studies resulted in the development of the Firestone Assessment of Self-Destructive Thoughts (FAST) and the Firestone Assessment of Violent Thoughts (FAVT). Dr. Firestone has published numerous professional articles, and most recently was the co-author of the books: Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships (APA Books, 2006),Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice(New Harbinger, 2002), and Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion: The Wisdom of Psychotherapy (APA Books, 2003).

Share

Share

DATE	EVENT
Jan. 20-22	Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice Presenter:  Lisa Firestone and Joyce Catlett Esalen Workshop – Big Sur, CA Weekend of Jan. 20-22, 2012 Learn more or register here
Jan. 24	Whole-Brain Child: Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture a Child’s Developing Mind CE Webinar Presenters: Dr. Tina Bryson and Dr. Lisa Firestone 4pm – 5:30pm PST Learn more or register here
Feb. 16	Suicide: Treating the Self-Destructive Client Sponsored by PESI Seminars Presenter: Lisa Firestone Roseville, MN Learn more or register here
Feb. 17	Suicide: Treating the Self-Destructive Client Sponsored by PESI Seminars Presenter: Lisa Firestone Bloomington, MN Learn more or register here
Feb. 17	Suicide: Treating the Self-Destructive Client: Live Interactive Webcast Presenter: Lisa Firestone Learn more or register here
Feb. 21	Whole-Brain Child: Practical Strategies to Surf Your Child’s Emotional Tsunamis and Develop Their Mind Free Webinar Presenters: Dr. Tina Bryson and Dr. Lisa Firestone 11am – 12pm PST Learn more or register here
March 9	Suicide the Silent Epidemic: A Conference on Youth, Military and LGBT Jon E Nadheny/Calciano Memorial Youth Symposium Santa Cruz, CA Learn more or register here
March 13	Suicide: Treating the Self-Destructive Client Sponsored by PESI Seminars Presenter: Lisa Firestone King of Prussia, PA Learn more or register here
March 14	Suicide: Treating the Self-Destructive Client Sponsored by PESI Seminars Presenter: Lisa Firestone Cherry Hill, NJ Learn more or register here
Mar. 20	The Fantasy Bond  CE Webinar Presenter: Dr. Lisa Firestone 4pm – 5:30pm PDT Learn more or register here
Apr. 3	Real Love or a Fantasy Bond Free Webinar Presenter: Dr. Lisa Firestone 11pm – 12pm PDT Learn more or register here
April 21	Suicide Prevention and Treatment in Rough Economic Times Presenter: Lisa Firestone CPA Convention  – Monterey, CA Learn more or register here
May 22	Creating Meaning: On the Role of Death in Life CE Webinar Presenters: Dr. Sheldon Solomon and Dr. Lisa Firestone 4pm – 5:30pm PDT Learn more or register here
Jun. 12	Self Esteem: the Belief that One is a Valuable Contributor to a Meaningful Universe Free Webinar Presenters: Dr. Sheldon Solomon and Dr. Lisa Firestone 11am- 12pm PDT Learn more or register here
Sep. 11	Understanding and Preventing Suicide Free Webinar Presenter: Dr. Lisa Firestone 11am – 12pm PDT Learn more or register here
Sep. 25	Suicide: What Every Mental Health Professional Needs to Know CE Webinar Presenter: Dr. Lisa Firestone 4pm – 5:30pm PDT Learn more or register here
Oct 16	Understanding and Effectively Treating Violence CE Webinar Presenter: Dr. James Gilligan and Dr. Lisa Firestone 4pm – 5:30pm PDT Learn more or register here
Nov. 13	Why Does Violence Occur and How Can We Prevent It? Free Webinar Presenter: Dr. James Gilligan and Dr. Lisa Firestone 11am- 12pm PST Learn more or register here
Dec. 4	How to Raise an Emotionally Healthy Child Free Webinar Presenter: Dr. Lisa Firestone 12pm – 1pm PST Learn more or register here

 

Share