• Engage - Engage the person at risk in a personable way, use eye contact, give your full attention, don’t act distracted.

• Explore - Explore their situation from his or her point of view by encouraging the open expression of their personal concerns. Show that you want to understand their feelings.

• Identify - Identify whether or not the person is currently thinking about suicide. As you learn more about the persons thoughts and feelings, you may get more clues that he or she is considering suicide. Be direct, ask questions: “Are you thinking about suicide”? This can give the person at-risk permission to talk about his or her suicidal thoughts and possible plans.
• Inquire – If the person is indeed contemplating suicide, you need to inquire into the reasons why these events and feelings are leading to a consideration of suicide at this time. Why now? Having developed a deeper understanding of the persons at-risk reasons, you can then work together  to find other ways out of the situation then suicide.

• Assess – Use closed questions that require a yes/no answer. Be specific.  The questions you ask at this point address the persons plan for suicide and information about prior suicidal behavior. Your assessment is a combination of gut feelings and an assessment of risk factors you have learned about. In a situation where a person’s life is at stake, it is better to do too much than not enough.

DEVELOP AN ACTION PLAN:

• Be specific – Details about what’s to be done must be clearly understood. Being specific is very important. Leaving things vague and non-specific can be dangerous.
• Limit objectives – Remember that your job is to help until the immediate danger, or threat of suicide, has passed. The action plan is not meant to be a total solution for all the person’s problems. Be realistic. Do not make false promises or resort to phony statements (For example: “It will be alright”.
• Work together – Both you and the person at-risk are committing to fulfilling your responsibilities according to the plan. You are mutually agreeing to a commitment to life.
• Confirm the commitment – The person at-risk agrees not to engage in any self-harming behavior for an agreed upon time. Ask the person to repeat the agreement out loud; both of you will experience a feeling of relief.
• Develop crisis control – Build in some arrangement for emergency support if the steps of your plan for action cannot be carried out or if the commitment cannot be maintained until the set follow-up time. ( For example, have the person call the local suicide hotline or paramedics.)
• Spell out the follow-up -  Set the date and time for another meeting between you and the person at-risk, or between the person at risk and whatever follow-up resources you have agreed to (such as meeting with the school counselor.)

DOs

• Be aware. Learn the warning signs
• Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support.
• Ask is she or he is thinking about suicide
• Be direct. Talk openly and freely about suicide.
• Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the feelings.
• Be non-judgmental. Don’t debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or feelings are good or bad. Don’t lecture on the value of life.

DONT’S

• Don’t dare him or her to do it.
• Don’t ask why. This encourages defensiveness
• Offer empathy, not sympathy.
• Don’t act shocked. This will put distance between you.
• Don’t be sworn to secrecy. Seek support.
• Offer hope that alternatives are available and Take Action

One of the scariest things you can experience is the fear that someone you know may be suicidal.  When a friend, family member or associate shows some of the warning signs for suicide, it is essential to intervene and take action to get that person to the help they need. When someone is suicidal, they are in a disassociated state in which they are experiencing extreme self-hatred. How can you lift a person out of this state?  Below you will find steps showing what you can do to help a person who is in the midst of a suicidal crisis and put them in touch with the help they need.

1. ENGAGE:

Engage the person at risk in a personal way; let the person know you are paying attention and make the person feel accepted. Maintain eye contact. Let your personal reactions show on your face. Sit forward, lean toward the person, and don’t get distracted. For example, convey empathy, try to see and feel things from the person’s perspective.

2. IDENTIFY:

Ask whether the person is thinking about suicide. Be direct but sensitive. It gives the person permission to talk about suicidal thoughts or plans.

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GET HELP:

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS IN CRISIS OR IN NEED OF IMMEDIATE HELP, CALL 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

This is a free hotline available 24 hours a day to anyone in emotional distress or suicidal crisis.

Suicide Prevention Resources:

National Suicide Hotline -  1-800-273-TALK (8255)

* Download the Brochure:
“Save a Life” or
“Como Prevenir el Suicidio

* Helpful Websites:
http://www.glendon.org/index.php?pageid=118
www.suicidology.org

* Read:
“Something to Lose”
Dr. Lisa Firestone’s blog, Suicide: How Can You Help Someone at Risk

Lisa Firestone , PhD, is the Director of Research and Education for The Glendon Association. Since 1987, she has been involved in clinical training and applied research in suicide and violence. In collaboration with Dr. Robert Firestone, her studies resulted in the development of the Firestone Assessment of Self-Destructive Thoughts (FAST) and the Firestone Assessment of Violent Thoughts (FAVT). Dr. Firestone has published numerous professional articles, and most recently was the co-author of the books: Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships (APA Books, 2006), Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice(New Harbinger, 2002), and Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion: The Wisdom of Psychotherapy (APA Books, 2003).

Whose life are you really living ? How can you differentiate from past influences and own your decisions and behaviors?

As a therapist, I often hear people recount instances in which they said or did something that they just couldn’t believe. As soon as the words slip out of their mouths, they recognize their unfamiliarity, as if they’re suddenly speaking a foreign language. For a friend of mine, this moment came when her husband, with whom she was deeply in love, made the adoring declaration that one day he would love to have a baby with her. Without giving it a thought, my friend blurted out “Well, you’d have to take care of it too, you know!” This came as quite a shock to her husband, who was simply expressing a loving sentiment and had no intention of not taking care of his baby, should they mutually decide to have one.

My friend too was startled by her statement. Neither the words nor the emotion behind them felt like they came from her. After thinking about it for a while, she recognized that her response reflected the attitude of her mother, who consistently showed resentment toward the practicalities of raising her children. Even though my friend was in a totally different relationship and had her own feelings of wanting a baby, her mother’s attitude still resided within her.This incident marks a clear example of how a lack of differentiation from one’s parents or one’s past can influence their behavior.

Click here to read more

Lisa Firestone , PhD, is the Director of Research and Education for The Glendon Association. Since 1987, she has been involved in clinical training and applied research in suicide and violence. In collaboration with Dr. Robert Firestone, her studies resulted in the development of the Firestone Assessment of Self-Destructive Thoughts (FAST) and the Firestone Assessment of Violent Thoughts (FAVT). Dr. Firestone has published numerous professional articles, and most recently was the co-author of the books: Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships (APA Books, 2006), Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice(New Harbinger, 2002), and Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion: The Wisdom of Psychotherapy (APA Books, 2003).

Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation. Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. – A book that “Will forever change the way we understand ourselves and our relationships.” – Mary Pipher, Ph.D.

Combining cutting-edge neuroscience research with sound psychological concepts, Mindsight leads its readers on a path to emotional self-discovery. Siegel’s latest book teaches people the power and importance of self-reflection and understanding, while unveiling the physical and mental possibilities for change. The connection drawn between our mind and our brain illuminates how the physical and mental world connect to construct and influence our relationships with the outside world. By learning techniques for exploring the inner workings of  this “inner world,” individuals are better able to enhance and improve their relationships, their sense of self, their “mindsight.”

-Nelson Mandela