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Dr. Lisa Firestone Intimacy Articles

Dr. Lisa Firestone, PhD, is the director of research and education for The Glendon Association. Since 1987, she has been involved in clinical training and applied research in suicide and violence. Dr. Firestone has published numerous professional articles, and most recently was the co-author of the books: Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships and Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice.
addicted to doomed relationships, relationshipsAre You Addicted To Doomed Relationships?

Often, we select partners who reinforce deep-seated critical views we have of ourselves. For example, a person who had a parent who was emotionally unavailable or who was inconsistent in offering them warmth and affection, they may think of themselves as unlovable on a basic level.

Hooked on Rejection, relationshipsWhy Are We So Hooked on Rejection?

When a relationship ends, humiliation, rage, loneliness, anguish and grief all seem to simultaneously show up at the door, marching in arm-in-arm to parade noisily around our psyche. Evicting these emotions is a matter of healing, reconciling, finding peace within ourselves and somehow moving on.
Sparklin' vampiresReal Love or a Fantasy Bond: The Appeal of the Twilight Saga

The latest “Twilight” movie, “Breaking Dawn,” is already breaking records. Young fans clamored and camped out on dirty sidewalks for hours (even days) to make it to last week’s midnight premiere. Walking past one such line, I noticed a father dropping off a shrieking group of dressed up 15-year-old girls from a stretched hummer.

Talking is tough sometimesIt’s Not You, It’s Me: The Truth Behind the Excuse

There can be great value, practically and therapeutically, to taking an It’s not you, it’s me approach to your relationship. Rather than using this as an excuse when ending your involvement with someone, why not use it as an exercise to improve your relationship with that person?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              .                             .

Why are we on the floor?How to Be Loving in the Time of Twitter

How much does technology that, in seconds, allows us to share “FaceTime” with a friend in India create distance between a loved one across the table? It’s no small statement to say that too often logging in means tuning out. Technology is coming between us and our closest relationships. But before we blame the laptop or sell the TV, it’s important to consider our own relationship to technology.                                                                                                                                                                               .

All right cuz it's all whiteIs Sexting Cheating You Out Of Real Intimacy?

There is a good, sound argument for how technology can bring two people together. Countless couples have now met, married, forged unions, and had children as a result of a dating website, a Facebook chat, or a bold text message. Technology has provided a new platform for millions of people to take that first step in a relationship.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    .

Not crazy about the fantasy bondTrue Love or a Fantasy Bond?

There is a misconception in our culture concerning the reason why intimate relationships deteriorate and end. The typical relationship cycle is depicted as follows: Two people meet. They fall in love. They enjoy a certain portion of exhilarating time together. Then, reality sets in. The spark fades. Routine takes over. Fights begin. And love ends.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     .

Is it the alcohol?Deception and the Destruction of Your Relationship

If our partners trust us enough to admit that they find someone else attractive, we might just be able to trust them enough to believe them when they say they won’t act on this attraction. The more open we are with each other, the cleaner and more resilient our relationships become. Conversely, the more comfortable we become with keeping secrets, the more likely we become to tell bigger and bigger lies.                                                                                                                                                   .

And fish eye lens? Let's not get crazy hereSeven Real Vows to Make Your Marriage Last

June is the most popular month for weddings. The questions overwhelming many soon-to-be newlyweds tend to involve dresses, cakes, guests and venues. When you think about it, although the price tag and party planning committee tend to be larger, the concerns of the engaged couple are not so different from the concerns we held as small children about to experience a birthday party.                                                                                                                                                                                           .

I want my money backThe Key to Healthy Relationships: It’s All in Your Head

How do the emotional injuries from our past create problems in our present relationships? Learn how making sense of our history and getting to know our own minds helps us better relate to another person.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                .

No idea what's up with this photoThe Real Reason You’re Not Married

Regardless of one’s feeling about marriage, the idea of a lasting romantic relationship is of much significance to most people. So, despite this post’s provocative name, what I really wish to offer here isn’t so much a lecture on why a person isn’t married but an explanation of why many people aren’t able to form a lasting union with someone they love.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         .

Seriously, how exciting could that secret be?How to Stop Making the Wrong Relationship Choices

Initial chemistry is the spark that fuels a relationship, but that spark doesn’t always ignite for all the right reasons. Attraction is, to many of us, a mystery. How is it that qualities that led us to a person in the first place, can later repel us so strongly and lead to problems down the line? How does that cool confidence that once made us swoon turn into the soul crushing aloofness that distances us from a loved one?                                                                                                                          .

Chilling in my tanktop and my goateeWhy You Keep Winding Up in the Same Relationship

When it comes to how we behave in our relationships, a person can rarely be reduced to the black-and-white character outline of a newspaper ad. Every human has strengths and weaknesses, and all of their traits (good and bad) are bound to surface in the emotionally invested space that makes up an intimate relationship.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         .

Weak for the musician typesHow to Not Lose the “Me” When Becoming a “We”

The goal in a relationship is to be close and still maintain an identity as a separate person. When people are in an individuated state, they are happier and more optimistic. They have a stronger sense of themselves and are even capable of more intimacy, love and passion in their relationship. So how can we get close to someone else without losing ourselves?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         .

Is this real love? Or is this just a fantasy?How To Tell the Difference Between Real Love and Fantasy

Fantasy can lead us to choose romantic partners for the wrong reasons. And even if we choose people for the right reasons, our devotion to our fantasies can lead us to destroy any real sense of intimacy. So how do we separate honest love from an illusion of connection?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              .

Doors will not make love lastWhat Love is Not: A Proven Method to Make Love Last

What causes that shift to take place within a couple that leaves them estranged from their early feelings of tenderness and attraction? Learn how interrupting defensive patterns can help people stay open and in love with their partners.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       .

Making Love Last by Learning to Love

Expressing affection, sexuality and caring are universally considered loving behaviors. Similarly, there are specific actions that are recognized as going against loving feelings. By approaching ourselves and our relationships with this proactive, pro-action perspective, we can change the course of our relationships and develop into more loving individuals.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   .

Gratuitous kissing in front of a sunset shotHow to Bring “Vacation Sex” Home With You

Typically couples return from vacation wanting to bring their revived sexuality home with them, but gradually, in spite of their best intentions, they slide back into the same old sex lives that they were wishing to make better.So how can couples bring vacation sex home?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              .

Alcohol keeps the marriage close? Who knew?How to Keep Your Marriage Close and Exciting

When couples first get together the original “spark” they feel can become the mysterious element that alludes them later in their relationship. While many couples call it quits when they stop feeling that early flame, some stick it out accepting that relationships change, and the initial excitement cannot last in any relationship. Accepting defeat is the downfall of any relationship.                                                                                                                                                                                                               .

Because I'm too lazy to find another pic right nowOvercoming the Real Pain of Break Ups, Affairs and Rejections

So what happens when this solid structure of personal and professional victories starts to fall apart in the public eye, and when a seemingly strong, successful woman goes from being envied to pitied overnight? For one thing, the climate of any break-up or betrayal becomes a breeding ground for an emotion that, when examined more closely, is a bit surprising: humiliation.


Click Here To Read More from Dr. Lisa Firestone

Visit her site at www.drlisafirestone.com.


  1. I found most beneficial & enlightening your comment on deception and destruction in our relationships,all other insight were common. I have found in my interactions with the women whom I desired the most ; that being open & honest isn’t what they truly want value or appreciate. That has been both enlightening & disappointing .
    Yet what remains forever is faith hope & love !

  2. Very informative blog, I found you thru a Google search. I saved your site & I will for surebe back! 🙂

  3. I loved this website. Thank you for so many helpful articles!

  4. Thank you, Dr. Firestone. Your words on intimacy have really helped me to heal my own wounds, drop my defenses and begin to help my partner take on his. I come back to your work and your father’s regularly. Cheers!

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