Conquer Your Inner Critic by Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.
“I’m sooo fat,” said a small voice from the corner of my bedroom. I peeked my head out from behind my closet door to see who was responsible for the self-deprecating comment. My eyes lowered to behold the frail figure of my 5-year-old niece staring solemnly into my full-length mirror. Comments like these, although draining, have become sadly second-nature coming from adult friends and relatives but coming from a thin, young child, the words were much more unsettling. Surely, no one had ever told her she was fat. So why was she internalizing such mean, not to mention distorted, thoughts?
Though we’d all like to think of childhood as a time in which we are blissfully free of self-consciousness and self-deprecation, this is never the case. Ask any child if he or she ever thinks bad thoughts about him or herself and, I assure you, you’ll be shocked to hear the response.
“I’m so ugly. My hair makes me ugly; it’s so frizzy and big,” a friend’s 6-year-old daughter stuttered through giant sobs.
“I’m scared I’m not going to get the answers fast enough. I’m not as smart as the other kids,” another friend of mine’s 10-year-old son confided in me.
Disturbing as it is to hear our children utter such cruel, unfeeling statements toward themselves, how can we not feel slightly guilty for the example we have set for them? It’s painful to recognize how oblivious we can be to the fact that our own self-critical attitudes are seeping into the consciousness of our children. Yet, this reality should urge us to look at why we ourselves are so self-deprecating and what we can do to rid ourselves of our own distorted self-perceptions.
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Dr. Lisa Firestone, PhD, is the Director of Research and Education for The Glendon Association. Since 1987, she has been involved in clinical training and applied research in suicide and violence. In collaboration with Dr. Robert Firestone, her studies resulted in the development of the Firestone Assessment of Self-Destructive Thoughts (FAST) and the Firestone Assessment of Violent Thoughts (FAVT). Dr. Firestone has published numerous professional articles, and most recently was the co-author of the books: Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships (APA Books, 2006),Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice(New Harbinger, 2002), and Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion: The Wisdom of Psychotherapy (APA Books, 2003).
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